I didn’t even try to hold in the tears as we drove away from the hospital with our full  minivan Monday evening.  I can’t begin to describe how it felt to have all of my children with me, to be done with the NICU, to know that my boys are healthy and now solely in our care.  It was surreal, overwhelming, wonderful, nerve-racking, a moment I will never forget.  It was 115 days start to finish since I was admitted into the hospital with signs of labor till this moment.  115 days that have forever changed Tim and I, as well as Kennedy I imagine as she is old enough to be impacted by this life event.  To drive away from the hospital with the knowledge that we made it through was so  powerful, and beyond an answered prayer.

And then reality set in!  Our first 10 minutes at home with our two boys was anything but surreal.  Loud, chaotic, hectic would be a better description!  We set the boys down in their car seats and the next thing we know they are both crying and have alarms blaring.  The girls are asking for it to stop, the dogs are barking and Tim and I are laughing at the entire mess.  We can’t figure out which alarm is still beeping, which boy to pick up first and so the craziness continues for what seemed like hours (probably another 30 seconds).  But then we got our bearings and the beeping stopped.  Tim cradled both boys as I settled in the girls, and the house quieted down.  But still it was entertaining and made me wish we had a camera set up to capture the moment.  It couldn’t have been a more stressful homecoming if it was scripted.  Short lived, but stressful.  Since that first few minutes at home with Griffin and Carter we have all come to embrace our new roles at home.  The girls are wonderful and loving, the dogs are calm and protective and Tim and I are savoring each minute of sleep we can get and enjoying holding the boys as much as we are able.

I’m sure when I am farther away from it I will sit down and write a reflection of all that we have been through in the last 115 days.  I would even like to transition this blog from one chronicling our family’s journey in the NICU to one that reflects our daily life.  But as I type my 28th post I have Griffin snuggled in my wrap around my chest, one hand periodically rocking Carter in his bouncy seat, Beau’s ( our boxer/mastiff mix) head on my lap while listening to Tim and the girls do dishes in the kitchen.  Right now I’m too close to life to write about it.  But my goal is to keep writing because I love it and I feel like it centers me.  In the meantime here are the first of many pictures from a little photo shoot I did with the boys today!  I plan to finish the photo shoot tomorrow when they are sleepier (thus more cooperative), oh my poor boys – I just can’t help myself!

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