Well…on to phase two of the boys’ lives. The NICU phase. Yesterday I came home, and am no longer an elevator ride away from them. I must say, compared to the last time I did this with Addison, I am much more prepared mentally for what lies ahead. I didn’t leave the hospital with a severe sense of anxiety this time. I was able to fall asleep without obsessing for hours about what the boys were going through in the NICU. This time I am at peace with nurses and staff looking after them and I am convinced that they can do a lot more for Griffin and Carter at this point than I can. Maybe because I am older (and wiser of course!), maybe it is because the boys’ needs are much greater than Addison’s ever were, or maybe it is because this is not my first time at the rodeo but I am okay with letting go of control (at least for now)!
I was beyond excited to get home to the girls! Letting go of the control over my house and the lives of Kennedy and Addison was a lot harder to do! I came home to a festive sign made by Jaime and the girls, Kennedy cleaning the toy room, and a bare-bottomed, but freshly bathed, Addison! Kennedy kept repeating “I’m so excited you are home!” and wouldn’t leave my side for quite some time. Addie was too busy being her “two-year old self” to give me a hug when I walked in the door but instead ran and grabbed her Barbie and said “You can hug Barbie” then ran off again to play! So glad she adjusted in my absence!!
Of course, if I am being completely honest (and that is my intention with this blog on the off-chance that someone in a similar situation comes across my ramblings) I do miss the rest time that I was able to have in hospital. That and the scheduled pain medicine! It is very easy in a situation like this to forget about the fact I just had surgery and have incisions in multiple layers of my body. There is just so many other things I want to do than rest and remember pain meds! However, at times my body makes sure that I remember and I do relax. I’m sure in a week or two I will be back to normal. My house can get cleaned then!
I heard a man on NPR repeat his grandfather’s favorite saying. It struck a cord with me and has now been added to my list of personal mantras. He said;
“Life is a process of adjustment.”
So here we go – time for our family to adjust to our new “normal”!